On life...stream of consciousness

Life is...complicated nowadays. I am torn between the unending dreams of all things ephemeral, and the ever dying lithoid moments that define my existence. I am continually fascinated by the banal, by the painfully ordinary; I am struck by the dull chords of guttural voices and the ugly reflections of turbid water. Cannot help but scream-sing pointlessly at the shower head or monomaniacal moon. Sometimes, I even strain tinnitus-stricken ear drums to hear their reply. But, like the days and the loves lost, their rejoinder is but the last gasp of long dying stars, lost to cold-dead space. And so it is that I define the most meaningful moments with blundering, mute words. I am a blank statue to the passing days, a tarnished beach bleached black with the shales of inaction. I tremble at tones that rise above a whisper of coherence.

So, I look for her in strange places, Glimpsing heaven in the bordellos of my soul. I yearn for the tender kiss of her interest, but taste indifference in her stead. I wake in the morning still en-wrapped in bitter-wonderful dreams. I dream of her, devoid of coffin confines, sans desolation, sans that awkward, unknowing look in the daylight. I sometimes dream while standing, dream-pang for an Annabel Lee to mumble J'taimes to at water's edge. To mutter memento mori when she again forgets my name. She was nonpareil, or would've been if I ever knew her. I've only known her at the street corners and in the shelters of the morgue. She only smiles when the light flashes jaundice yellow, only flushes at red. She is the thirsty root of exotic trees, and that is why I will always love her, and never know her.

Perhaps, I should stop looking. Float like the lilies on strangled lakes and simply soak in the sun of an imperfect, but ever-radiant life. But, I know that I'll always struggle. Struggle to understand the opium of the intangible, struggle to discern the demarcation of day and dreams. And know, that I am forever bound to navigate the tattered seams of those beautiful beautiful memories.

-Cameron